English Posts

101 – Only by thalaivar!

Only 'Thalaivar'
  1. Rajinikanth killed the Dead Sea.
  2. When Rajinikanth does push-ups, he isn’t lifting himself up. …He is pushing the earth down.
  3. There is no such thing as evolution, it’s just a list of creatures that Rajinikanth allowed to live.
  4. Rajinikanth gave Mona Lisa that smile.
  5. Rajnikanth can divide by zero.
  6. Rajinikanth can judge a book by it’s cover.
  7. Rajinikanth can drown a fish.
  8. Rajinikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.
  9. Rajinikanth once got into a fight with a VCR player. Now it plays DVDs.
  10. Rajinikanth can slam a revolving door.
  11. Rajinikanth once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are today called giraffes.
  12. Rajinikanth once ordered a plate of idli in McDonald’s, and got it.
  13. Rajinikanth can win at Solitaire with only 18 cards.
  14. The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajinikanth kicked one of the corners off.
  15. Rajinikanth can build a snowman out of rain.
  16. Rajinikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.
  17. Rajinikanth can make onions cry.
  18. Rajinikanth destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
  19. Rajinikanth can watch the show 60 minutes in 20 minutes.
  20. Rajinikanth has counted to infinity, twice.
  21. Rajinikanth will attain separate statehood in 2013.
  22. Rajinikanth did in fact, build Rome in a day.
  23. Rajinikanth once got into a knife-fight. The knife lost.
  24. Rajinikanth can play the violin with a piano.
  25. Rajinikanth never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself in fear.
  26. The only man who ever outsmarted Rajinikanth was Stephen Hawking, and he got what he deserved.
  27. Rajanikanth can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
  28. Rajinikanth doesn’t breathe. Air hides in his lungs for protection.
  29. There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Rajinikanth lives in Chennai.
  30. Rajinikanth kills Harry Potter in the eighth book.
  31. If you spell Rajanikanth wrong on Google it doesn’t say, “Did you mean Rajanikanth?” It simply replies, “Run while you still have the chance.”
  32. Rajinikanth has already been to Mars, that’s why there are no signs of life there.
  33. Rajinikanth doesn’t move at the speed of light. Light moves at the speed of Rajinikanth.
  34. Rajinikanth knows Victoria’s secret.
  35. Water boils faster when Rajinikanth stares at it.
  36. Rajanikanth was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
  37. Rajinikanth kills two stones with one bird.
  38. Google won’t find Rajinikanth because you don’t find Rajinikanth; Rajinikanth finds you.
  39. Rajinikanth gave the Joker those scars.
  40. Rajinikanth leaves messages before the beep.
  41. Rajinikanth once warned a young girl to be good “or else”. The result? Mother Teresa.
  42. Rajinikant electrocuted Iron Man.
  43. Rajinikanth killed Spiderman using Baygon Anti Bug Spray.
  44. Rajinikanth can make PCs better than the Mac.
  45. Rajinikanth puts the ‘laughter’ in manslaughter.
  46. Rajinikanth goes to court and sentences the judge.
  47. Rajinikanth can handle the truth.
  48. Rajinikanth can speak Braille.
  49. Bullets dodge Rajanikanth.
  50. Rajinikanth can teach an old dog new tricks.
  51. Rajinikanth calls Voldemort by his name.
  52. The last digit of pi is Rajanikanth. He is the end of all things.
  53. When Rajanikanth enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,……… …. he turns the dark off.
  54. Ghosts are actually caused by Rajanikanth killing people faster than Death can process them.
  55. Rajinikanth’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajanikanth.
  56. Rajinikanth grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
  57. The last time Rajinikanth killed someone, he slapped himself to do it. The other guy just disintegrated. Resonance.
  58. Rajinikanth once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
  59. Rajinikant is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
  60. Rajinikanth can run at speed of light around a tree and screw himself.
  61. Rajinikant can lick his elbows.
  62. Rajinikant once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
  63. Rajinikant does not get frostbite. Rajnikant bites frost.
  64. Rajinikant doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
  65. Rajinikant got his drivers license at the age of 16 seconds.
  66. When you say “no one is perfect”, Rajinikant takes this as a personal insult.
  67. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajinikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.
  68. Words like awesomeness, brilliance, legendary etc. were added to the dictionary in the year 1949. That was the year Rajinikanth was born.
  69. The statement “nobody can cheat death”, is a personal insult to Rajnikanth. Rajni cheats and fools death everyday.
  70. When Rajnikanth is asked to kill some one he doesn’t know, he shoots the bullet and directs it the day he finds out.
  71. Rajinikant can give pain to Painkillers and headache to Anacin.
  72. Rajinikanth knows what women really want.
  73. Time and tide wait for Rajinikanth.
  74. Rajinikanth sneezed only once in his entire life, that’s when the tsunami occurred in the Indian ocean.
  75. Rajnikanth taught Voldemort Parseltongue.
  76. Rajinikanth collects Honey from his private Moon – HoneyMoon.
  77. Rajinikanth can answer a missed call.
  78. Rajinikanth doesn’t need a visa to travel abroad, he just jumps from the tallest building in Chennai and holds himself in the air while the earth rotates.
  79. Rajinikanth’s brain works faster than Chacha Chaudhury’s.
  80. Rajinikanth doesn’t shower. He only takes blood baths.
  81. To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Rajinikanth.
  82. The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Rajinikanth’s fist.
  83. Where there is a will, there is a way. Where there is Rajinikanth, there is no other way.
  84. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Rajanikanth.
  85. Rajinikant doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint out of fear.
  86. Archaeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one who has encountered Rajinikant”.
  87. There is no such thing as global warming. Rajinikanth was feeling cold, so brought the sun closer to heat the earth up.
  88. Once a cobra bit Rajinikanth’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
  89. Rajinikanth is a champion in the game “Hide n’ seek”, as no one can hide from Rajinikanth.
  90. Rajinikant proves Newton wrong all the time. Every time he performs an action, he simply eliminates anything and everything that can provide the reaction.
  91. Rajinikant is a weapon created by God to use on doomsday to end the world.
  92. Aliens do indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Rajinikanth is on.
  93. We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Rajinikanth.
  94. If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Rajinikanth.
  95. Rajinikanth’s first job was as a bus conductor. There were no survivors.
  96. Rajinikanth does not style his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
  97. When Rajinikanth plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
  98. It takes Rajanikanth 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
  99. Rajinikanth’s house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
  100. Rajnikanth doesn’t answer nature’s call nature answers Rajnikanth’s call!!
  101. Rajanikanth does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

Courtesy: E-Mail forward from my friend Haresh Subramanian.